Yesterday as I was helping mom, I realized that some people think that old means senile. Sunday evening Mom broke her foot. Yesterday mom and I spent three hours at urgent care seeing the doctor, getting pictures of her foot, and then getting fitted for a walking boot. Thankfully, Aunt Mary had a wheelchair that mom could use, and I was able to get her around in that, and keep her from walking on her broken foot.
I never think of my mom as weak. She's always been strong, and she's learned how to do things on her own, and is very self sufficient. She rarely asks for help, and will try doing everything on her own before she even thinks about asking for help. To see her in the wheelchair yesterday was a little hard to take, but I knew she was only sitting there because she had no other choice. It never once occurred to me that she might be senile.
Just because she is sitting in a wheelchair, doesn't mean that she can't think for herself, answer questions asked, or that she has forgotten her date of birth, her name, or the reason she was there. I was just the person pushing the wheelchair, but you would think I was the only one between us with a brain. That in itself is funny. I sometimes wonder if I actually do have a brain. I rolled mom up to the receptionists desk, and she completely ignored mom. All questions were directed to me. "What is her name?", "What is her date of birth?", "Why is she being seen?". I was just answering the questions without thinking about it, until I realized how that must make mom feel. I should have said, "Ask her yourself. She's not senile!" Granted, we often joke about her being crazy, but she's not senile. She knows her name, her date of birth, and she could've even told them which foot was broken.
When we went to the lobby to wait for mom's turn to be seen, I asked her how that made her feel to be ignored? She said, "Oh, I'm use to it. People treat old people like that all the time. I noticed it when clerks in the stores started calling me honey." Oh that will not work for me when I'm old! Paul is the only one that calls me honey, and I detest it when another woman calls me honey, or dear, or sweetheart. I can see it now, I will be a grouchy old lady, telling these young whippersnappers that I am NOT their honey!
Once we were called in to see the nurse, she ignored mom and asked me the questions. She did ask mom where she got her blue eyes. Mom, she's much nicer than me, and never thinks up sarcastic answers that just roll right off my tongue. I would have said, 'Well duh! I was born with them." Then she asked mom where she got her accent. Mom just answered her very politely and said she was from Mississippi. Back to the waiting room we went. I said to mom, "I didn't know you had an accent. Do you think that you do, and we just don't hear it?" Maybe I'm senile, but I don't hear her accent. And anyway, what does that have to do with getting her foot x-rayed, and in a boot so we can get out of here?
I've learned from all of this that I need to be aware of how I talk to older people. I need to remember that they might be old, but not necessarily senile. They might be riding around in a wheelchair, but they aren't brain dead. They probably know their full name, their date of birth, and what they had for breakfast. They need to be treated with the respect.
Love your thoughts! So True! I can just hear your mom answering the nurse very sweetly! :)
ReplyDeleteEven if our older people do seem to be senile and not able to answer for themselves, or answer at all, we need to remember that they can hear. When my grandmother was in her last days, the nurses told my parents to remember: "The last thing to go is their hearing. Be careful what you say." Yes...they need to be treated with respect! Thank you for this.