Middle Age?

It seems everyday I am trying to find words to define how I feel about my spot in the aging game.  Someone told me recently that I'm not really middle aged.  I would have been middle aged around 35.  Well, I plan to live past 70, so I had to disagree.  In reality, none of us know when we are middle aged, because not one of us know when we are going to die.  I think I was probably middle aged at 40, because heaven help me if I live to be one hundred, but I think I might make it to 80.

I feel like Chicken Little.  I think I might run through the streets yelling, "The sky is falling.  The sky is falling!"  I feel that everything is pouring down on me, but I know that is slightly dramatic.  It's just the time and the circumstances of life.  Being fifty, I see my mom, aunts and uncles all aging, and getting to an age that they might not be around much longer.  Not being negative here, but considering their ages, it's something to think about.  They need our attention and help more than they did before, and we are use to them being a help to us.  It's a tough reality for me.  They are now depending on me for help, and I still feel like I need them to help me.  They've always been the strong ones, and I'm not feeling as strong as they have always seemed to be.

On the other side of the hill, I see my children maturing, becoming adults, and they are thinking they don't need me as much.  Unless it's midnight and they just discovered their car has been stolen.  Or it's an early afternoon on a Saturday, and they discovered they are going to be a mother.  Or it's January and ACT papers haven't been filled out, and the ACT test needs to be paid for.  What about senior pictures, and a graduation party?  Maybe we could have a baby shower too, and could I please tell them how to get to Charlie's Sporting Goods?

I'm still needed, just in a different capacity.  Maybe that's why I feel like Chicken Little.  It's a new sky I'm living under, and I just need to adjust to the fall out.  I remember when I was pregnant with Sarah, and I was afraid.  I mentioned a concern to the Doctor, and said, "I've never had that pain before."  He said, "You've never been pregnant before either."  As I stand here on the hill of fifty, it's a place I've never been.  I've never had adult children, and I've never had a parent, or aunts and uncles that were this old.  It's a new adventure, the sky isn't falling, and I will just stand strong.