Motherhood: The Assumption

Motherhood doesn't really become easier with age.  I thought it would, but I was wrong.  It seems that I'm wrong more than I'm right, and I wish that wasn't the case.  I thought once the babies were toddlers it would be easier, this mothering business.  I was wrong.  The toddlers are just busier, eating things that they shouldn't climbing on things that they shouldn't be climbing, running you ragged by the minute.  Well then, since toddlers weren't so easy, then when they could talk, were potty trained, could feed themselves.  That would be easier.  I was wrong....Again.

Surely when they were teenagers, and I could reason with them, it would be easier.  Okay, so I was really wrong on that one.  Whatever made me think that I could reason with a teenager?  I was an unreasonable teenager myself once, but then I thought it was my mom that was so unreasonable.  Reason with a teenager!  Right!

When the kids are grown up, living on their own, making their own choices, paying their own bills, raising their own kids, getting their college education, then motherhood would be easier. That's the kickback and relax stage then.  Seriously, I don't know where my brain is through all of this.  Maybe living in a fairy tale of assumed motherhood.  I assumed it would all be perfect, and that's where I got stuck.  We all know about that word assumed and what it says about you and me.


I just assumed my mom didn't understand me, and that I would be far and above a better mother to my children.  I'm not saying that I had a bad mother.  Not the case at all.  My mom was a good mom, still is.  What I didn't consider in the assumption was...she had me for a daughter.  She had a tough job, and now I can see that she really had to work hard getting me raised.  I still give her grief, and not only that, I had three kids to add to her worry.  Now I understand some of her worries...worries that as a teenager I thought were so ridiculous.  I knew I was fine when I was out at two o'clock in the morning, why should she be worried?

I assumed that I would be such a great mom that my kids would be perfect.  In their perfection, I would be perfect, and all would be perfect in our perfect little world.  That's what I assumed.  I should have known better than that, but I didn't.  I just didn't think it through past the assumption of perfectness.

I guess what I need to consider in all of my assumptions is the fact that I'm a mom, I have 3 kids, I will always be their mom, no matter what.  I put my all into being a mom, and sometimes I just... well I just fall short.  Welcome to motherhood. It's not perfect....it's not always rewarding...it's not always easy...it can be heartbreaking...it can be tiring...it can be disheartening.  It can also be very rewarding.  In all the drama, the heartache, the weary days, when just one of the three says, "I love you mom." it makes it all worthwhile.

When your adult children are in pain, you can't just gather them up onto your lap and kiss the pain away.  You can listen to them, cry with them, try to console them, help them see other options, be there for them, but you can't kiss away the pain.  When your oldest calls, and just needs to talk, you listen, but you can't just gather her up in your lap and kiss away her pain.  When your middle child is struggling, you can't just gather her up onto your lap and kiss away her pain.  When your youngest is soon leaving home, you can't hold him in your lap and just keep him there.  You put on your brave face, smile and tell him you're proud, and wish that someone would kiss away your pain.


Twenty two years ago I started on this journey called motherhood, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.  I might want to change some things.  I might want to change my mind, change some actions, some words, some thoughts, my attitude.  I might wish that I had been more understanding, kinder, listened instead of talked, hugged instead of being angry, been more peaceable, more present...I might have changed some things, done some differently, but I will never, ever regret being a mother to my three children.