If you had told me a month ago that taking Jacob to college would be harder on Paul than it was on me, I would have laughed hysterically. I just enjoyed watching Jacob be in control, making decisions, being cool, being okay with it all. Paul, on the other hand, was a nervous nellie.
It's interesting to watch a father and his son try not to be emotional, to be tough in the goodbyes. Shaking each others hands, and being gruff with the deep voices. It's all about being the tough guy, and not giving an inch with the emotion. I think it's a relief for them when I cry, because they can laugh about me crying, and take the focus off the tightness in their own chests, and the sun in their eyes that's making their eyes tear up.
I had no idea that leaving Jacob in Las Cruces would be harder on Paul than it was on me. Is it about a son, the only boy? The need for Jacob to succeed, which is a positive reflection on Paul? Is it about Paul never having gone to college, and him wanting this for Jacob? I don't know why it was/is so hard on Paul, but I'm glad he cares.
There's an emptiness in the house without Jacob here. It's not like he came out of his cave much, but he was there, and we knew it. Julie mentioned the empty feeling the other night. I find it amusing that she has needed to have Jacob's stereo on, when she would often yell at him to turn it down. Paul isn't the only one missing Jacob. We all do, but we're happy that he is enjoying being in college.
When Paul's only son comes home with his degree, you can be sure that Paul will be looking back at that day when we left Jacob at New Mexico State, and he will be a proud dad.
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