I've Lost My Funny Bone

I can usually find the humor in every situation, but today my funny bone seems to be misplaced.  Yesterday when I got online to check my bank balance, I discovered a charge that shouldn't be, I was frustrated, but thought it was fixable.  While on the phone with the bank, my cell phone died.  There was just enough life left in it to ring a couple of times and then it died.  I saw that it was Jacob calling me, so I asked Julie to call him back.  As I was saying this to Julie, her cell phone rang.  It was Jacob.  He needed to tell me that he had been in an accident.  Great!  Here I am with Sarah, Julie, two nurses aides, Uncle Huey, and the bed he is occupying.  We are all jammed into an elevator on the way to fourth floor, which will be Uncle Hueys abode for a couple of days.

I talk to Jacob, make sure he is okay, then decide to call Aunt Mary to see if she will go help Jacob.  I had to use Julie's cell phone, which is a Blackberry Bold.  Just saying that makes me think it ought to be an incredible phone, a phone with super powers even.  It might actually be that incredible of a phone, it might even have super powers, but I will never know.  I can't see the numbers or the letters on the keyboard, and it doesn't matter how many times Julie tells me that the keyboard on this incredible phone are just like the keyboard on my computer, I still want to throw the phone across the room.  The letters and numbers might be placed in the same order as my computer keyboard, but they are so tiny that one, I can't see them, and two, my fingers aren't that small.

It takes me ten minutes just to find the number side of the keyboard, and then I can't squint enough to see the numbers once I've located them. I also can't stretch my arm out far enough to bring the miniature keyboard into focus.  It's easier just to have Julie call Aunt Mary, and then she can just keep answering the phone for updates.  It's not that I wasn't heart sick about Jacob being in the wreck.  I was, and I wanted to just snap my fingers and my Nimbus 2000 broom and my invisibility cloak would appear, and I would be off to Edgewood in a flash.  Life, at least my life, doesn't happen that way.  I was at the hospital with Uncle Huey, and I had to be there for a while longer.  It's a good thing I am WOMAN.  I was able to listen to Julie's side of the conversation with Aunt Mary, while listening to the nurse brief me on Uncle Huey's condition.  I might not be able to physically  be in two places at once, I might not have a Nimbus 2000 broom to fly on, and I might not have an invisibility cloak, but when my hearing works, I can multi-listen.

I managed to comprehend all that the nurse had to say, made sure that my phone number and name were on record as the one to be called if Burl couldn't be reached, visit with Uncle Huey, make sure he was comfortable, and at the same time, I  knew what was happening at hwy 66 and Pony Express.  I was calm, cool and collected....on the outside.  Inside I was jumping up and down with frustration, worry, and the need to be two places at once.

This morning I checked my checking account, and wouldn't you know it....someone thought they could use Paul's hard earned money to purchase one hundred and sixty five dollars worth of flowers. Who needs that many flower?  They also thought they could use Paul's hard earned money to purchase something from gift gifting, whatever that might be.  Paul and I beg to differ.  I attempted to call the bank.  Now this is where my funny bone was no where to be found.  It's not funny when someone else is spending our money, and it's really not funny when Verizons cell phone service is spotty at best, and non-existent at worst.  I had already dealt with Verizon's poor service this morning while trying to get an update on Aunt Liz.  Dropped the call, call lost, no service, where should I stand in the house to get the phone to work?

I took my purse, my wallet, my checkbook, my phone and sat in the car, because that seemed to be the only place my phone would work.  I managed to get the process of fraud investigation under way with the bank, cancel my existing debit card, and then began an hour long process of working with Verizon about our phones.  You can't trouble shoot one phone while talking on said phone.  Into the house to get Julie and Jacob's phones.  The poor Verizon tech.  Not only am I technology challenged, I can't see the keyboard on either INCREDIBLE BLACKBERRY phone.  She is describing what the key should look like and on which side of the keyboard, and I'm squinting to see this.  I even put my glasses on, and still couldn't see. She asked if there happened to be the word SOS in red letters up in the top right hand corner of Jacob's phone.  Well, there is something red there, but it looks like 505, which is our area code.  She laughed, so I guess she found my funny bone.  I sure didn't have it with me.  In my defense, the SOS was very, very tiny.  It was a very tiny blur, and squinting at the tiny blur didn't make the SOS clear.  It was red, I could see that, but it was a blurry red.

My phone will now work all over the house, and so far this afternoon I haven't dropped, or lost one call.  Not even any static on the phone while I'm trying to hear what is being said.  Jacob's phone is beyond repair, and a new one is being shipped.  I can't help but wonder if I had been able to see the SOS sooner, if it would have made a difference for the life of the phone. :)

I hope the bank fraud department can find out who wants to use our money.  I also hope the bank is kind enough to let us have our money back, because there are so many others in line who want to use our money.  Like Verizon.  Even though our service is horrible at the best of times, they still want to be paid for all those dropped calls and no service times.  EMW Gas Co. thinks we should pay for the gas we have used.  Bank of America thinks we should make our house payment this month.  State Farm, who insures the van that is no longer drivable, thinks we should pay for the insurance they have provided all these years.  Crooks need to work for a living! That's what the rest of us do.  And I'm not laughing! Get your own money!

Cretia