GRIEF

Grief comes to all of us as we live life, and when it comes, it feels like an unwanted, uninvited guest.  We all have to learn how to cope with grief, and each one of us have a different way of coping, none of them right or wrong, just how we cope.

I found this definition of grief, and felt it explained how I have felt since hearing of my friend, Bernice Bassett Trumper's passing.

What is Grief?
Grief is the internal part of loss, how we feel. The internal work of grief is a process, a journey. It does not end on a certain day or date. It is as individual as each of us. Grief is real because loss is real. Each grief has its own imprint, as distinctive and as unique as the person we lost. The pain of loss is so intense, so heartbreaking, because in loving we deeply connect with another human being, and grief is the reflection of the connection that has been lost.

Tomorrow we will all gather to say our goodbyes, and it will not be easy.  A life so young, so much ahead for her, for her family.  I've felt guilty for the amount of grief that I have felt, because I feel, who am I to feel this much pain in losing her, when her husband and daughters loved her to an extent I will never know.  Maybe guilty is not the right word, but I can't think of another word to use.  In all the years I've known Bernice, been friends with her, I didn't know her the way her family did.  Yes, I will miss her.  I will miss our chance meetings here in the community where we both grew up in.  I will miss my Facebook chats with her.  I will miss her quiet, unassuming, gentle way.  I will miss her laugh, I will miss her smile, but I will never miss her like her family will.  I think that is where my feelings of guilt, or whatever the appropriate word may be, come from.

I can say this, my grief is real.  I will go on with life, and I will often think of her, but for her family, every day, every birthday, anniversary, event and holiday without her, will be a fresh reminder of their loss.  So while I feel grief at the loss of a friend, I don't want to forget the magnitude of their loss, a loss they will feel forever.  I hope the reflection of my grief, will be a reflection of the love I felt for their wife, mother, and sister.