Weight, it's a weighty matter. It's a frustrating matter as well. I came to the conclusion today that I gain weight when I breathe. I gain weight when I hold my breath. I gain weight when I sneeze, when I cough and when I laugh. I gain weight when I think, when I don't think, when I don't think about gaining weight. I gain weight when I'm sleeping, when I'm reading, walking, and thinking about running. I'm pretty sure that I will be the first person in all of medical history to gain weight when I die.
Paul, my poor grieving husband, will be handed my cremains, and they will say, "Mr. Bittner, here are your wife's cremains. At the time of death she weighed 940 pounds, but after cremation, her ashes weighed 1080 pounds." I guess when the fat is in the fire, it gains density, and ashes are weighty matter.
Oh what does it matter, it's only weight, and if I'm dead, it won't matter.
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